.....you couldn't have. you and all your precious misery

how many times did i ask, what can i do

how many times did i ask, do you like this

always your black eyes reflecting back all the beauty in the world....something you can never have.

the smell of love to you is a rotting corps.  the word love to you is blasphemy.  and with you every soft touch and soft sweet wispers i hear the RAPING SCREAMS OF YOUR INSANITY.  smash, oh! how its taint lingers.  Tell your board of morally adept humans how much of a shitty person i am for giving so much to you and getting nothing in return accept the raping screams of your insanity.  Hope they all agree *like the masters of the universe that they are* with you.  I hope that makes you feel better. 

Its no sweet off my balls .....you know.....watching you

                      .........perform all these pathetic acts. 

                                                       ........Desparation

I've never once let down a chance to help you.  I guess i am a liar, and a pussy, and a fuckface for doing that. 

Its funnier than an elephant trying to fuck a cat.....you know....

                            .........how you try to paint me in your shame.

BECAUSE .....you know......           

IT REALLY IS THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLDS FAULT AMBER IS MISERABLE.....  and you know.....

SOMEBODY HAS TO PAY

Your eyes tell the stories of a day you wish you could
Recall the moments that once have
Retrack the footsteps that brought us to this favor
I wouldn't ask this of you

Good eye, sniper
I shoot, you run
The words you scribbled on the walls
With the loss of friends you didn't have
I called you and the time is right
Are you in or are you out?
For them all to know the end of us all

Run quick, they're behind us
Didn't think we'd ever make it
This close to safety in one piece
Now you wanna kill me in the act of what could maybe
Save us from sleep and what we are

Good eye, sniper
Now I shoot, you run
The words you scribbled on the walls
With the loss of friends you didn't have
I called you and the time is right
Are you in or are you out?
For them all to know the end of us all

Bye bye beautiful
Don't bother to write
Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars
Face step, let down.
Face step, step down.

The words you scribbled on the walls
With the loss of friends you didn't have
I called you and the time is right
Are you in or are you out?
For them all to know

Bye bye beautiful
Don't bother to write
Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars
Face step, let down.
Face step, step down.

Bye bye beautiful
Don't bother to write
Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars
Face step, let down.
Face step, step down.

Bye bye beautiful
Don't bother to write
Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars
Face step, let down.
Face step, step down.

standing on this pier, its shaky and hard to balance.  I want to but i can't.  I have to time myself looking up.  Can't stare for too long.  I know, I know.  But yet, i don't.  Angry head.  so many murderous butterflies.  covered in bloody nectar.  too fast, fuck.....    rip, grind, shred, melt, bleed, burn, chain, drag, hook, stretch, scrape, cum, smash, pull, fist, break, strip, cut, exhausted fumes of methane, spinning copper gears, rusty iron.  only one person knows this cross i bear.  no one will ever understand.  in my mind, exhausted and pained, i spin....... . . .. . and see you, with a rose.

'ello evry 'un.  name's Quinn, but down 'ere in the outback folks don' really caull me anythin.  Sept for those aborigine fellows.  Ay call me by me tru wild name.  ... .. . .Mr. stretchy-foreskins.  Reckon you folks 'ill be seein' more of me.  evry week oil be round to tell a story passed for generations in me family. 

But first thins first mate.  let me tell ou bout me-self.  ..... . . i like to stretch moi skin till i get nice an flat.  then i glide thru aire.  And i like to smell lizardhs. 

Just look at my ancient ancestor.  He is full of squirrelly wrath. 

Man ...  i feel like people are taking things that i am saying and distorting them for their own ulterior motives. .....  like keeping the servants in their place.  I don't know how any other person could be more understanding.  I have been very understanding and you know i have been.  Sorry for being paranoid but i have my suspisions that there's someone else.  Well whatever. 

So its "moving-on" time again i guess.  everything happens for a reason.  I am looking forward to a summer of hanging out with friends, hiking, camping, and squirrellin' it up at the shop.  All you "Jazz Ambassadors" will be blinded by my white ass. 

I need to get naked.  i am at work right now so i really can't.  Have you ever just gotten naked in front of someone and have an intimate conversation......     just conversation.  probably not.  nervousness prompt's action.  I love that feeling.  Panther stalking the forest.  fear/doubt.  and you know you are being judged.  hahaha.  i deal with it by taking it to the next level.  control is my obsession.  i really am a fucked up individual.  

Loren, i hate you. 

Man how i've fucked things up.  I've got so many things mixed up in my head i don't know which way is forward.  Baggage from two broken relationships and one that is in the making  (but i don't think will go very far).  When will i be able to have fun again without comparing everything to her.  Is it possible for me to move on and still hold on to precious memories.  Maybe i am confusing the past for the present. 

I need to keep my mind here and now.  ......or i will turn into darth vader.

[	Current Mood	|	frustrated	]
[	Current Music	|	underneath it all -NIN	]

GOD you get me fired up! I will not become hollow, not for you or anyone! I am the same ....still trying to reach that inevitable goal just beyond the horizon, though using different means. I am well aware of your clumseyness. it is that clumsyness that provoked the reaction..."why are you still with her?" from friends and councilers. And is that clumsyness that i understand and adore you with every ounce of my heart. who else would have understood.... i will not become hollow! I will not give up, i will not rest ......not even when i arrive at the gates of hell. I will show them a fire worthy of foresaking all of their inhabitants. I will not become hollow .....instead i will fucking burn.